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Going to hospital for most of us can be a stressful experience. Aside from finding ways to manage day to day responsibilities, we also have the procedure/surgery to look forward to. As adults we have our previous experience and knowledge to help us adjust to being in hospital. For children, especially young children, this may be their first experience…and it may be a little overwhelming.

Children look to their parents for support and follow their lead. So it helps to have a game plan. Here are some ideas to think about in preparing your child for hospital:

1.Be honest and open with them about what’s happening but think about the child’s developmental and what they can understand.

2.Encourage lots of questions about what will happen. Often this is a way that children can rehearse the steps involved.

3.For children with developmental disabilities (and young children) a social story outlining key steps can be useful too. Use pictures of the hospital and any equipment in your story.

4.For surgery which might require longer stays, ask the hospital if they have any pre-admission programs. These are where the child can come into the hospital and look at where they will be, meet staff and have a look around.

5.For younger children, “playing hospitals” with them and using a doll or Teddy Bear as the patient can not only be fun but also help to rehearse what will be happening.

6.For older children – ask if there is someone (e.g. a nurse or social worker) who can meet with the child prior to admission to walk them through what will happen.

7. And lastly, take a deep breath… children going to hospital can be anxiety provoking for parents too! Sometimes we have to take time to prepare ourselves as well as our children.

Hope this helps! Please feel free to talk to your consultants for support and other ideas on how to help your child and family prepare.

Naomi Ward

Clinical Director

Following on from the last blog on this topic. As parents we can spend a lot of time “refereeing” fights. The alternative to this is to take the time to set things up so that children are more likely to get along with each other or at least chose more helpful behaviour!

Here’s some ideas to explore:

1. Make sure your expectations about behaviour in the house is known and understood by everyone. Teachers often have a brilliant class rule along the lines of “Keep hand, feet, objects to self”. It works in the home and I would probably add “mean words” to the list too.

2. Remember to model what you are asking your children to do. It doesn’t help if children see poor conflict resolution occurring among their parents.

3. Share your attention between your children where you can to avoid that “missing-out” feeling children sometimes develop. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a super-parent, just that you need to look for special time with individual children.

4. Where you can, create spaces in the house where children can spread out. They are less likely to tread on each other’s toes that way.

5. If there are frequent squabbles over resources (e.g. devices or special toys) then create a roster. Roster in times for each child. Apply the “if you can’t abide by the roster” rule you both lose access to the good stuff. This teaches children to work together rather than fall apart – especially if the item is of value to them both.

6. Create times where the children are away from each other and have their own space, e.g. separate play-dates or after school activities. We appreciate each other more when we have time apart.

7. Don’t forget to praise, praise, praise! When children are playing well together we should be praising them for that! This is the behaviour we want more of at home so this is the behaviour we should praising as often as we see it.

Anyone that has ever grown up in a family with more than two kids will know that children fight for a range of reasons. Jealousy, competition and boredom to start with a few.

As parents there is always the temptation to jump in and take sides, particularly when there are younger siblings involved. However reacting to children fighting isn’t always the best course of action as it can lead to more frustration and hurt feelings for children and adults alike. Often we tend to favour who-ever we think is the most vulnerable (e.g. younger, smaller, cuter….) and yet they may be the one that has instigated the conflict. Imagine how that feels for the other child!

Instead, try not to get pulled into the fight and let the children sort it out. If you have to step in because you’re worried then involve both parties in solving the problem. Rather than the “judge”, take on a “coach” role.

Split the children up until they are both calm enough to talk through what happened. You’re not going to get very far if one of them is still upset.

Don’t put too much focus on who started the fight. Sometimes fights are the inevitable consequence of a build-up of perceived grievances over a period of time. Rather the focus needs to be on “the solution” e.g. how they can take turns next time with a favourite toy, or how one of them can come and get you when there is a problem, or how they can play in separate spaces if they are annoying each other.

Once you have your plan in place, don’t forget to praise both children the next time you see them playing cooperatively.

Prevention is always better than cure! So look out for Part 2 where we have a look at how to get children playing co-operatively with each other.

Naomi Ward

Clinical Director