Comments: No Comments
Temper tantrums are never fun. Children are wonderful things but boy can they challenge us at times. Staying calm as a parent when others around you are melting down into little puddles of anger, frustration and hurt requires skill, patience and practice. Even more so if you have more than one temper tantrum going off at the same time.
We always aim to avoid them where we can but even with the most amazing parenting, temper tantrums will happen. Aside from children not getting what-ever it is they want, temper tantrums can be triggered by other things such as hunger, sickness and tiredness.
What is a temper tantrum and why are they so hard?
Nearly every parent, teacher and therapist who has had anything to do with children will know about temper tantrums. However just to be clear, a tempter tantrum is an emotional outburst which involves a range of different behaviours depending on the child. It can include: crying, screaming, kicking, throwing, spitting, unpleasant words and my personal favourite, breath holding. You may even be able to add a few more behaviours to the list!
The goal when dealing with a temper tantrum is to be firm and consistent. Despite what your child may be doing, we also need to stay clam. Giving too much attention through shouting or being angry back at the child often backfires on us or at least makes the next temper tantrum that bit harder to handle.
What can you do once the temper tantrum starts?
Start by breathing – deeply and slowly. Getting angry or giving the adult version of a temper tantrum is not going to help. The more petrol you pour onto the fire, the more behaviour you’re going to get (which may include an escalation of behaviours or longer temper tantrum). Your job here as the parent is to get your child to slow down and calm down. Essentially we want the child to calm and make wiser choices.
What you do next will depend on the age of the child, what triggered the temper tantrum and how well the child can calm themselves. Some children may need to be held and rocked as they clam down (think little ones), others may need to be ignored and redirected to a more appropriate action. For those temper tantrums that are triggered by physical needs e.g. hunger, tiredness and sickness, your next steps may be more about addressing those needs.
Here are some extra strategies you may find helpful:
Take a deep breath from your stomach. Anyone who has done singing, yoga or pilates will have been taught the benefits of diaphragmatic breathing. Breathe in while counting to five, then hold the breath. Breathe out slowly, letting the air escape naturally from your lungs. You may need to do this a few times to stay in that calmer place.
Some of us are able to engage our imagination and take ourselves to a more relaxed space. For example visualise yourself at the beach on a warm, sunny day, or any place that you associate with peace or calm.
Walk away – if it’s safe. Time out isn’t just for children. If it’s safe to leave your child for a moment, step out of the room until you’re ready to re-engage. Put some music on (not too loud) and wait until both you and the child are calm.
Need more help?
As mentioned above temper tantrums are very normal. There is help available through our Psychology team if your child starts to have them regularly or it’s getting harder to manage temper tantrums. Please feel free to contact Reception for more information about our Psychology Services on 9274 7062.